Wednesday May 4th, 2011- Toy Reviews!!!

So, today is my anniversary, so instead of what happens at work, which usually isn't much on Wednesdays since most of the customers are regulars and just come in to rent, I am going to review some of the things we have in the store....as in I will make fun of them.
Here we go...

This is the tranny toy I talked about before. It says on the box somewhere that you can 'sit' on the penis part and titty fuck it and also get a blowjob....umm really....humans aren't put together that way...so that right there is just creating unrealistic expectations in my opinion....I mean, what if I a guy I were dating, which wouldn't happen BTW, wanted something like that from me...aside from the fact that I don't have a penis, my mouth also isn't connected to my boobs....oh and guess how much this thing costs??? Any guesses, here's the price

Yup, $300.00 for that you could get a whole human being....if you're into the whole deformed thing, this is the toy for you.

A 20lbs ass and pussy???

All I can say about this one is Umm, ok??? First of all it's HUGE, like life-size I would assume....also, it's WAAAAYYYYYY TOO expensive in my opinion....here's the price.

Yup, $500.00 for this special toy. Now, the thing that amazes me more about this toy is that someone actually bought the first one we had in the store. The guy who bought it comes in every couple of weeks and buys either lube, or one of the 'pocket pussies' which I will talk about a little later in this entry. So, you know what he's doing.

Here's another one

I added all of these at the same time because they are essentially the same thing. Here's what's messed up, I know they are sold as gag gifts, but really, someone who's into that kind of thing could buy one and well, use it....now, aside from the fact that beastiallity is illegal, it's also really gross, I mean think about it for a minute, do you agree?

I actually think this one is kinda cool!!

Ok, I would totally buy this for my husband because I think it's great!!!! She has a cup holder in her head....how awesome is that???

This is funny!!!

Basically, you can fill it with a 6pack of beer (just the liquid, not the cans) and no one will even know it's not real, that way you get out of paying for ball park beers, which are very expensive.

Here's the female's version

Apparently this one holds whatever you want to drink and also makes your boobs look bigger in the process...can we say false advertising? Some guy will take her home and take off her 'wine rack' and she'll have much smaller boobs....just saying! Also, don't you love how sad she looks in the first pic and how happy she looks in the second one?

What about this one?

It's pretty, but I don't think I'd buy it for it's intended use, you know, sex!!!! I mean it's really pretty, so more like a sculpture that I would put on my table or something....no way in hell would I be putting that in my vagina!!! What about you?

This looks like a toy!

This looks like a toy, like a childs toy, no way would I be using that to achieve sexual gratification....I wouldn't be able to get over the fact that it reminds me of a toy one of my kids might play with. You?

Every Single Lesbians Best Friend?

I don't know, but everytime I see it makes me giggle! I don't think it would work the way it's supposed to though, I mean all I can think is it wouldn't move fast enough, or slow enough, and it also wouldn't feel real, which would suck....so I wouldn't even use it at all.

Wow, technology has come so far!

Now you can get off to your favorite song.....and hey if it's on your ipod, you can even get off to the ABC's....how about that???

Recharcheable??

Ok, first of all, it's HUGE!!!! And massager my ass, more like super duper vibrator....just think about all the possibilities...and rechargeable, really, is someone going to use it that much?

Wow, just wow!!

Now, my husband thought I was sexy when I was pregnant, however I am his wife and I was carrying his baby, how would this even work??? I mean, I know some guys like pregnant chicks because you can't knock them up again, but this is a doll, you're not getting it pregnant anyway...and check out that hair....I am pretty sure this was made in the 80's or early 90's

Like squirters?

Then here you go!!!! It even has life like fingers there!!!!! Holy cow, I am not even sure what to say about this one....just wow!!



This is small...so how does this work?

This thing is so small I could hold it in one hand....and I did...so here's the thing, the hole in the bottom is small, even smaller than a fingertip...so how does that even work? Here is a side view of it.

Wow, that's one big vagina.

Umm, I don't think it's supposed to be that big and open....seriously...I am also sure most chicks fon't like being tied up...also what's with the weird things sticking out on the sides? My body doesn't look like that!

That doesn't look natural.

No matter what the package says, it doesn't look natural...I've never met a guy who had a second penis growing out of his balls....now I know what this is for, obviously...but really? Why?

Aww, how sweet!

Umm, what's up with the pig nose?? And the abnormally small mouth? I've never me anyone who mouth looks like that.

Who's idea was it to paint it hot pink?

If you're vagina is that color.....please, please, please, go see your doctor, because that is not normal. Also, I've never seen or heard of a vagina that is shaped like that, so again, see someone if this resembles your own vagina. Also, on the back it says hand painted...so they pay someone to hand paint these things? I would love that job, however I wouldn't pick hot pink for it....


GROSS!!!!

It's all twisted and smushed and FLOPPY!!!!! Do you like floppy pussies....I don't know anyone who does. From what I've heard, they prefer them to be tight.

Strap ons?

Wow...I'm not even sure what to think about this!!! For a dude...um ok.....just makes me think he's a little gay even though I know that even straight guys like anal stimulation....but still.

Really?

Let's think about this, if you have to put the person you are having sex with in a straight jacket then there is something very, very wrong with your relationship....VERY, VERY wrong.

I WANT IT!!!

And only because it's pink...yup, I only want it because pink is my favorite color!!!!!!

Again PINK!!!!

I swear to you, this really makes no sense to me because I mean think about it, you couldn't really be all that comfortable for any amount of time for it to actually complete 'the job' if you catch my drift

TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT!

I know you can see the prices on some of these...I mean really? There is no penis, real or otherwise, that I would pay that much money for.


For the seeing impaired

Apparently, you need a glow in the dark pussy, so you can see what you're doing and also you get that cool alien like feeling, while you're at it. And who the hell calls thier vagina a 'love tunnel'??? Really, that's as bad as when you are reading a romance novel and they refer to it as a flower, or something equally as ridiculous.

I thought the name and pic on the box were funny.

Ok, now I know what it's for, but do you really need weighted anal beads? Like the normal ones aren't good enough. Also, the look on he chicks face is great...she looks a little freaked out and also really, really high.

That look's fu$ked up!!!

Ok, now think about it, does yours look like that? Mine doesn't, that doesn't strike me as a normal looking vagina. Also, I keep seeing shit like what that one says, 'better than real "real skin" pussy' umm, I'm pretty sure that a real one would be better than that.

ATM

I don't know if I could have sex with something that looks like a really fucked up worm? I mean it....have you ever seen beetlejuice? The one with Wynonna Ryder? That looks like the worms that were in the sand whenever the ghosts tried to leave the house. Only this one doesn't have teeth.

HOLY HELL THAT'S LOOSE!!!

Umm, that hole is so big you could shove a whole fist into it. I hope to go no one ever buys one of these while I'm working, because I would have to open it and put in batteries...I would be afraid to touch it, it looks like it could swallow my hand.

Well, that is all that I have for tonight. I will hopefully have more to post after I get off work tomorrow night, we will see..

Tuesday May 3rd, 2011

Yesterday one of the very first customers I had was a guy, who I'm guessing has never been in a place like this. He seemed very nervous and confused and then finally he asked me for help...he couldn't pick something out him self so I helped him. He eventually picked something called 'The Matador' which is a vibrating cock ring, the part that touches the clit looks like a bull...hence the name, here is a pic of it...looks interesting to me, lol..　

　
　
Here is a really crappy picture of a customer who came in tonight...I wish I could have gotten a better pic, because she was dressed like a hooker and I am almost 100% postive she was high on something. I mean people don't normally behave that way, you know? She said she works at this topless club that's close to here, it's funny though because they have to wear bandaids on their nipples...so I'm not sure how topless that really is. That's why she was here, she was buying clothes, however in my opinion she really should have been buying clothes somewhere else....her butt cheeks were hanging out...I almost puked....seriously!!!!
**I REMOVED THE PICTURE I HAD POSTED BECAUSE SOMEONE CALLED MY COWORKERS AND TOLD THEM ABOUT THE PIC. EVEN THOUGH IT ISN'T ILLEGAL BECAUSE IT WAS JUST HER BACKSIDE, I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLES.**