So, today is my anniversary, so instead of what happens at work, which usually isn't much on Wednesdays since most of the customers are regulars and just come in to rent, I am going to review some of the things we have in the store....as in I will make fun of them.
Here we go...
This is the tranny toy I talked about before. It says on the box somewhere that you can 'sit' on the penis part and titty fuck it and also get a blowjob....umm really....humans aren't put together that way...so that right there is just creating unrealistic expectations in my opinion....I mean, what if I a guy I were dating, which wouldn't happen BTW, wanted something like that from me...aside from the fact that I don't have a penis, my mouth also isn't connected to my boobs....oh and guess how much this thing costs??? Any guesses, here's the price
Yup, $300.00 for that you could get a whole human being....if you're into the whole deformed thing, this is the toy for you.
A 20lbs ass and pussy???
All I can say about this one is Umm, ok??? First of all it's HUGE, like life-size I would assume....also, it's WAAAAYYYYYY TOO expensive in my opinion....here's the price.
Yup, $500.00 for this special toy. Now, the thing that amazes me more about this toy is that someone actually bought the first one we had in the store. The guy who bought it comes in every couple of weeks and buys either lube, or one of the 'pocket pussies' which I will talk about a little later in this entry. So, you know what he's doing.
Here's another one
I added all of these at the same time because they are essentially the same thing. Here's what's messed up, I know they are sold as gag gifts, but really, someone who's into that kind of thing could buy one and well, use it....now, aside from the fact that beastiallity is illegal, it's also really gross, I mean think about it for a minute, do you agree?
I actually think this one is kinda cool!!
Ok, I would totally buy this for my husband because I think it's great!!!! She has a cup holder in her head....how awesome is that???
This is funny!!!
Here's the female's version
Apparently this one holds whatever you want to drink and also makes your boobs look bigger in the process...can we say false advertising? Some guy will take her home and take off her 'wine rack' and she'll have much smaller boobs....just saying! Also, don't you love how sad she looks in the first pic and how happy she looks in the second one?
What about this one?
It's pretty, but I don't think I'd buy it for it's intended use, you know, sex!!!! I mean it's really pretty, so more like a sculpture that I would put on my table or something....no way in hell would I be putting that in my vagina!!! What about you?
This looks like a toy!
This looks like a toy, like a childs toy, no way would I be using that to achieve sexual gratification....I wouldn't be able to get over the fact that it reminds me of a toy one of my kids might play with. You?
Every Single Lesbians Best Friend?
I don't know, but everytime I see it makes me giggle! I don't think it would work the way it's supposed to though, I mean all I can think is it wouldn't move fast enough, or slow enough, and it also wouldn't feel real, which would suck....so I wouldn't even use it at all.
Wow, technology has come so far!
Now you can get off to your favorite song.....and hey if it's on your ipod, you can even get off to the ABC's....how about that???
Ok, first of all, it's HUGE!!!! And massager my ass, more like super duper vibrator....just think about all the possibilities...and rechargeable, really, is someone going to use it that much?
Wow, just wow!!
Now, my husband thought I was sexy when I was pregnant, however I am his wife and I was carrying his baby, how would this even work??? I mean, I know some guys like pregnant chicks because you can't knock them up again, but this is a doll, you're not getting it pregnant anyway...and check out that hair....I am pretty sure this was made in the 80's or early 90's
Then here you go!!!! It even has life like fingers there!!!!! Holy cow, I am not even sure what to say about this one....just wow!!
This is small...so how does this work?
This thing is so small I could hold it in one hand....and I did...so here's the thing, the hole in the bottom is small, even smaller than a fingertip...so how does that even work? Here is a side view of it.
Wow, that's one big vagina.
Umm, I don't think it's supposed to be that big and open....seriously...I am also sure most chicks fon't like being tied up...also what's with the weird things sticking out on the sides? My body doesn't look like that!
That doesn't look natural.
No matter what the package says, it doesn't look natural...I've never met a guy who had a second penis growing out of his balls....now I know what this is for, obviously...but really? Why?
Aww, how sweet!
Umm, what's up with the pig nose?? And the abnormally small mouth? I've never me anyone who mouth looks like that.
Who's idea was it to paint it hot pink?
It's all twisted and smushed and FLOPPY!!!!! Do you like floppy pussies....I don't know anyone who does. From what I've heard, they prefer them to be tight.
Wow...I'm not even sure what to think about this!!! For a dude...um ok.....just makes me think he's a little gay even though I know that even straight guys like anal stimulation....but still.
Let's think about this, if you have to put the person you are having sex with in a straight jacket then there is something very, very wrong with your relationship....VERY, VERY wrong.
I WANT IT!!!
And only because it's pink...yup, I only want it because pink is my favorite color!!!!!!
I swear to you, this really makes no sense to me because I mean think about it, you couldn't really be all that comfortable for any amount of time for it to actually complete 'the job' if you catch my drift
TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT!
I know you can see the prices on some of these...I mean really? There is no penis, real or otherwise, that I would pay that much money for.
For the seeing impaired
Apparently, you need a glow in the dark pussy, so you can see what you're doing and also you get that cool alien like feeling, while you're at it. And who the hell calls thier vagina a 'love tunnel'??? Really, that's as bad as when you are reading a romance novel and they refer to it as a flower, or something equally as ridiculous.
I thought the name and pic on the box were funny.
Ok, now I know what it's for, but do you really need weighted anal beads? Like the normal ones aren't good enough. Also, the look on he chicks face is great...she looks a little freaked out and also really, really high.
That look's fu$ked up!!!
HOLY HELL THAT'S LOOSE!!!
Well, that is all that I have for tonight. I will hopefully have more to post after I get off work tomorrow night, we will see..